She's the Man
by huffleluff
Summary: "I'm going to join the Tortall football team," Alanna said. "Congratulations," Thom replied. "And that requires my physical because...?" "I'm going to enroll as a boy." Doomed to attendance at the snooty Tortall Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen, Alanna disguises herself as a boy so that she can join the football team.
1. alanna: the first adventure

**Author's Note: **This is is less of a multi-chapter story, and more of a collection of short fics. Yes, I named it after that Amanda Bynes movie. In this fic, I am when I say football, I am referring to the American version. Know that my actual knowledge of American football, while greater than my knowledge of soccer, is not actually all that extensive.

* * *

**She's the Man**

* * *

Alanna was perched in wait on the arm of the couch in the living room when Thom got home from his robotics meeting, or wherever it was that he'd gone. She sprung on him immediately. "Hey Thom, did you get my text?"

Thom frowned, because he had and he was pretty sure he did not want any part of whatever Alanna was planning. "Yeah, I got it," he said. "Do I want to know why you want a copy of my last physical?

"I'm going to join the Tortall football team," she answered promptly

Thom raised an eyebrow. While that had definitely _sounded _like an explanation of sorts, on the whole, it didn't really do much to clear up the situation. "Congratulations. And that requires my physical because...?

Alanna huffed and crossed her arms. "Isn't it obvious?" Though she and her brother had been nearly identical when they were younger, by age fourteen it had become much easier to tell them apart. Thom was slender and pale, and his sharply arched eyebrows and wild orange-red hair gave him the look of someone who'd stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. Alanna was tan and solidly muscled from years of recreational sports leagues and various outdoor activities. She'd joined a community swim team that summer, and hours in the pool had tinged her long red hair green

"Not particularly," Thom replied. "I'm afraid you're going to have to explain it for me.

"I'm a _girl_, Thom," Alanna said, her voice overly patient. "At a rich private school like Tortall? They'd laugh me right off the planet, Title IX be damned." She sighed. "I should have enrolled at the Governor's School, too. I bet they wouldn't care if I was an alien, so long as I could catch a ball and run.

"I don't think the Governor's School has a football team," Thom replied absently. He did feel a bit sorry for his sister. The boarding school their dad had picked out for her was exactly the sort of place she'd hate. "And your solution to this dilemma is what, exactly?

"I'm going to enroll as a boy," Alanna replied

Thom was at a loss for words for several seconds, though he'd have thought that by now, Alanna's crazy plans would have ceased to surprise him. "You're going to _what_?!

"Enroll as a boy," Alanna repeated. "No one there knows who we are, it'll be easy.

"What about Dad?" Thom asked.

Alanna made a dismissive noise. "Oh, you know him. Once he gets to China or wherever—"

"Malaysia," Thom corrected, his voice faint.

"Yeah, that's the one." Alanna nodded. "Anyways, once he gets there, he'll be totally wrapped up in his research for at least a couple of years. If and when he comes home, I'll figure something out."

"What about your—you know," Thom said, waving his hands vaguely around his chest.

"I bought a binder," Alanna said. "I'll just have to keep my shirt on. And I've got an appointment to get my hair cut this afternoon, so that will be taken care of." She rattled on a list of several more things she would have to do.

Thom was quickly moving from shock to resignation. He had experienced Alanna's crazy plans before, been reluctantly involved in several himself, and knew better than to try to dissuade her when she'd decided on something. After a minute, he held up a hand, cutting Alanna off mid sentence.

"Fine," he told her. "My physical is all yours. But when you get caught, I reserve the right to say I told you so."

"Really?" Alanna said, and squealed. She threw herself at her brother, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Thank you so much!"

Thom blushed and shrugged his way out of his sister's vice-like grip. "Come on," he told her. "You'll need my help doctoring the paperwork."


	2. surprise ralon is a jerk

**She's the Man**

* * *

Standing next to the upperclassmen on the team, Alanna came to an unsettling realization: she was _short_.

It was probably the first time the word had ever been applied to her, because at five feet and seven inches tall, she generally towered over her peers and got stuck in the back row during group photographs. She was still taller than a lot of the other freshmen on C-team and Junior Varsity, but if she had to guess, they hadn't finished growing yet. And she didn't think there was a singer player on the Varsity team that was shorter than six feet. Did they put hormones in the Academy drinking water?

Suddenly, she felt like she was making what would probably be the biggest mistake of her life. Not that she could do anything about it. She was already enrolled, had already tried out for the team and earned a spot on the C-team. It had taken her _hours_ to talk Coram, her dad's personal assistant, around and a solid two weeks of practice before she could introduce herself as 'Alan Trebond' without stumbling. And she was probably going to be found out and expelled anyways, during summer camp, before she'd ever even got a chance to play a game.

She was so busy trying crush her sudden panic that when someone bumped into her from behind, she stumbled and bumped into one of the JV players. "Sorry—" she began to say.

The guy turned around. He had pale blond hair and watery blue eyes. He was scowling. "Watch it, _frosh_," he said, and shoved her backwards before turning around.

Alanna rubbed her hand on her shoulder, where his shove had made contact. It was probably going to bruise. "Well, screw you, too," Alanna muttered at the boy's back.

"I see you met Ralon Malvern," someone behind her said dryly. "Sorry for knocking into you. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Well, there's your problem," Alanna said lightly, turning around. "It's almost inevitable you'll run into people that way."

The boy looked to be a couple of years older than her, maybe sixteen or seventeen. He had black hair, dark skin, and bright blue eyes. Though he wasn't the tallest person there—he looked to be only a few inches taller than Alanna—he was powerfully built and stood with the sort of ingrained confidence that made him seem taller. "I'm Jon," he said, holding out his hand. "I'm on Varsity."

"I'm Alan Trebond," Alanna replied, reaching out to grip his hand. "C-team."

"Most freshmen are," Jon said. "I'm assuming you're a freshman. I haven't seen you around before."

"Yeah," Alanna said. "My dad needed a boarding school to send me off to while he gallivants across the world studying ancient Malaysian wedding rituals or whatever."

"Well, he sent you to the right place," Jon said, clapping Alanna on the shoulder. "The Academy is the American capital of trust fund kids with rich but largely absent parents. You should meet my friends. Hey, Gary! Get Raoul and Alex!"

By the time practice is over, Alanna was wondering why people seemed to think there was some huge difference in the way men and women socialize, because as far as she could tell, they both liked to talk. She knew that Jon was a shoo in for the Varsity Team Captain next year, that Alex was the first sophomore at the Academy to make it onto Varsity in eight years, and that nobody liked Ralon Malvern.

By the time she made it back to her room on the freshman boys' wing that night, her panic had died down completely. Her shoulder was bruised where Ralon had shoved her, and her muscles were wobbly with up-downs and suicides and the other exercises they did, but she was happy. No one had guessed her secret, she was more than capable of keeping up with the other freshmen boys on C-team, and she liked Jon and his friends.

_I can do this_, Alanna thought to herself sleepily as she climbed into bed. _It'll be hard—but I can do this._


End file.
